I’ve noticed more articles being published about oxytocin, a hormone often referred to as the “love hormone.”  Oxytocin fuels feelings of love, trust, and generosity.  It helps couples stay close and parents bond to their children.  This hormone also plays a vital role in restoring feelings of calm and well-being after periods of intense stress. 

Want to raise your oxytocin levels?  Here are a few easy ways to boost feelings of connection: 

1.  Be physically affectionate:  hugs, kisses, sex, walking arm in arm, massage, etc.
2.  Surround yourself with familiar and comforting sounds, smells, music (ie., the smell of your grandma’s apple pie baking)
3.  Hold a baby
4.  Engage in group activities where you feel connected to others, such as singing in a choir, cheering on your team; laughing together
5.  Pray and/or meditate
6.  Stroke your dog or cat
7.  Do something kind for someone else
8.  Listen deeply to someone
9.  Think loving thoughts
10. Make eye contact

To learn more about the impact of oxytocin, check out the book The Chemistry of Connection by Susan Kuchinskas or check out her blog at www.hugthemonkey.com.

Many of you may have heard the news that a 7-year-old child adopted in September 2009 from Russia was recently put on a plane by his adoptive grandmother and returned to Russia.  His adoptive mother, Torry-Ann Hansen, a nurse, sent the following note with the child:

 To Whom It May Concern:

I adopted this child, Artyom Savelyev on September 29, 2009.  This child is mentally unstable.  He is violent and has severe psychopathic issues/behaviors.  I was lied to and misled by the Russian Orphanage workers and director regarding his mental stability and issues.  The orphanage employees were definitely aware of the major issues that this child has.  Yet, they chose to grossly misrepresent these problems, in order to get him out of the orphanage.

After giving my best to this child, I am sorry to say that for the safety of my family, friends, and myself, I no longer wish to parent this child.  As he is a Russian National, I am returning him to your guardianship and would like the adoption disannulled.

Sincerely,

Torry-Ann Hansen

Understandably, there has been tremendous outrage about a young child being abandoned in this way.  The Russian government has even threatened to shut down adoptions to the United States as a result of this parent’s irresponsible actions. 

I believe that once you adopt a child, that child and any issues they bring are your responsibility as a parent to manage.  It seems likely to me that this little boy may indeed have some severe emotional issues.  After all, we know his biological mother was alcoholic, could not care for him and put him in an orphanage at age 5.  I doubt the care he received up to the point he was adopted was that great.  Orphanages in Russia unfortunately have a reputation for providing less than optimal care.  Then, at age 7, this little boy was adopted and moved to a new country where he was faced with adjusting to a new parent, language, food, etc. 

The fact that this child was apparently hitting, kicking, spitting, and engaging in other aggressive behavior suggests he was struggling emotionally.  Children often can’t tell us what is going on with them emotionally, but their behavior speaks loudly for them.  It is possible that he may actually have Reactive Attachment Disorder, a disorder which can result from inconsistent early parenting, abandonment, and trauma. 

Some children with “RAD” can be very violent and scary for an unprepared parent to deal with.  Typically adoption agencies are required to provide 10 hours of preadoption parent education, but I’m not sure that can really prepare the average parent for the tremendous challenges of parenting a child with such a background.  

If the adoptive mother did not reach out for professional help, it is likely she was emotionally drowning.  Nonethless, regardless of how overwhelmed she possibly was, this mother certainly had other options besides sending this child back to Russian by himself on a plane.  In the worst case scenario, she could have relinquished her child to local child protection services and avoided igniting an international scandal that unfortunately may hurt other parents in the process of adopting from Russia.  In this situation, no one wins.

As a healthcare professional, I have been watching the political debate around healthcare reform with some interest.  What jumps out at me more than any of the issues being discussed is the negative tone of the discourse.  One of the things we therapists spend much of our time doing is teaching people to be aware of their assumptions about themselves and of others.  We actively steer people away from black and white thinking, mindreading, jumping to conclusions, and exaggerating the facts.  And yet, it appears that the very use of this style of thinking is at the basis of most of the news we get from the media these day.  Who’s right?  Fox News?  MSNBC?  New York Times?  Washington Post?  You? Me?  There is so much ”noise” it really is confusing.

Most of us take our minds and bodies for granted.  So did Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor (http://drjilltaylor.com/about.html), a Harvard trained neuroanatomist…until she suddenly suffered a brain hemorrhage in 1996.  Listen to the fascinating story of how this brain scientist describes her experience of stroke.  You’ll never think of your brain in quite the same way again.

I just finished reading Michael Pollan’s book Food Rules: An Eater’s Manual. Pollan discusses how the Western diet is linked to soaring rates of obesity, diabetes, heart disease, and cancer.  Pollan makes the point that eating well has become complicated because of widespread marketing of “edible foodlike substances” created primarily from refined corn, soy, wheat, as well as added sugar, fat, and numerous chemicals.  He attempts to help readers sift through all the complicated advice about eating healthfully through one piece of advice: 

“Eat food.  Mostly plants.  Not to much.” 

The rest of the book goes on to tell you how to implement that strategy.   Here are a few of his 64 food rules that jumped out at me:

Eat Food.
#11  Avoid foods you see advertised on television.
#13 Eat only foods that will eventually rot.
#19  If it came from a plant, eat it.  If it was made in a plant, don’t.
#20 It’s not food if it arrived through the window of your car.
#21 It’s not food if it’s called by the same name in every language. (Think Big Mac, Cheetos, or Pringles)

Mostly plants.
#22 Eat plants, mostly leaves.
#27 Eat animals that have themselves eaten well.
#34 Sweeten and salt your food yourself.
#36 Don’t eat breakfast cereals that change the color of the milk.
#37 “The whiter the bread, the sooner you’ll be dead.”
#39 Eat all the junk food you want as long as you cook it yourself.

Not too much.
#46 Stop eating before you’re full.
#50 “The banquet is in the first bite.”
#57 Don’t get your fuel from the same place your car does.

Here’s the first of Democracy Now!’s  three-part interview of Michael Pollan: